Monday, January 18, 2010

I am a pathetic human being.

We'd all love to be spewed out into this intoxicating and miserable yet beautiful and awestruck world as a “successful” person. We all do, it doesn't matter if we resent the idea of motivation or if we're too lazy to stand up on our own two feet to accomplish something called a career. We all find ourselves crashing late at night after several hours of self indulgence and mindless drunken chatter, saying to ourselves “never again”. We wake up every morning (or afternoon) thinking about the money, the luxury, the relationships that are flaunting around topless outside. We spend our days at work fantasizing about the very second we can bust out from the nine to five to get socially spoon fed tell we're shitting gossip out the other end. Then by night we are slowly (or hastily) drowning ourselves again in alcohol to help us be brave, foolish and forgetful all at the same time. Late in the night we attempt to piss out our empty relationships and addictions into a back alley and hope that the wont be around when we wake up in our own vomit. Its like we're all deeply wired to a network of mass optimistic clocks, like we've been programmed by the tall suited figures in the tall suited buildings around us to live this life outside of reality. We must make decisions based upon what this world has to offer, we must drive a car, we must get married, we must invest, save, spend, sin, screw, love, hate and last of all die cause the world tells us so. Its sad, it really is. You take a drive down a busy street and just fill your mind with all the multibillion dollar agencies, strip clubs, and enormous quarter pound food franchises that really deep down inside dwell on nothing but greed. I don't know about you but when I do I feeling like I'm dipping my God given feet into a flowing stream of acid that slowly disintegrates not only my body but my soul and my beating heart. My lungs fill with smoke, my heart beats slower and slower due to triple processed cheeseburgers and diabetes sized cokes that surround me. My confidence is shut down and ripped to pieces cause I'm not valuable to society, Im nothing. What do I have to offer? My money and that's about it. There is a count down that everyone must endure and throughout our lives the ticking gets louder and louder, disturbing the youthfulness that we so arthritically cling on to. We only live one life and most of us if not all of us live it poorly, and maybe not through your eyes or your parents eyes or even the presidents eyes but through the eyes of whoever created us. I know someone created us. Cause there is no possible way that nothing came along one day and started to create things. I think that if we can believe that space and time is infinite, that there is no end to the black abyss all around, why cant we believe in an infinite God that has been and always will be, the alpha and omega. The scale seems so uneven, that the weight of the world out weighs God, that his morals are so light and disputed. Our noses don't grow when we lie and Jimminy isn't there to tell you that your poking a hole in your neighbours pool liner but we do know right and we know wrong and we still choose to push it aside to rot. I'm not just throwing you a curve ball and yapping at you to go out and do something before you crumple up and blow away. Im saying that life stands still until you actually make action. The clarity of living a good honest life is distorted, the lines in which God himself wrote have become blurred, and the demons on our shoulders continue to point us straight to dirt under our very own two feet. TVV